i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
