yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
