...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
