I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
