i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
