I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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