I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
