you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
