arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
