i just google imaged poop.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
