these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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