You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You are a genius and a whore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
