Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
