Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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