I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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