thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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