I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
