He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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