you traded sex for a burrito?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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