Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
