Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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