i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
