Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
