doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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