did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm always down for nudity.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
