i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
