Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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