So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
