Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
