dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
