but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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