but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
