I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
