This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
