All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
