just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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