At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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