3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
