I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
