Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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