I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
