There is no way he is gay with that hair.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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