the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
