you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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