every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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