i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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