I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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