Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
