home. puking in laundry basket.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
