1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
