he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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