i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
