dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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