I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
