they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
